I can't think of a creative name.

I am way to busy.

Monday: School, Babysit for church
Tuesday: School, Babysit for Kathy
Wednesday: School, Peggy's small group or The Love Alliance
Thursday: School
Friday: School, Babysit for Kathy
Saturday: Every other week Babysit for Shannon
Sunday: Sunday Morning Bible Study,Church/Childcare, The Stirring

I have no time for rest, it is so hard for me to say no. Over the summer I had two people that wanted me to babysit for them, and instead of saying o to one of them I said that I'd work for both.

Mon:Kathy
Tues:Kathy
Wed:Kathy
Thurs:Shannon
Fri:Shannon
Sat:Every other week Shannon
Sun: Nothing...yet

I feel good that I will be making bank this summer, but is it really worth it?

I said yes because the one family goes through babysitters like nothing, and I didn't want to be the flaky one for the kids. I never had a babysitter, and if I did I know that I wold at least want someone that stayed around for a while.

Kathy was talking to me and saying something about maybe taking on a 9 hour shift. 9 hours! With 3 kids! 3 days a week!

And on top of it I said I would do West Oakland and Las Vegas! What is my problem?


I don't know what to do.
My friends. I'm not sure if they'll miss me, But I know I'll be missing them.

God's given me this amazing job opportunity, but I need to say no to something.
I just don't know what yet.

....Get it?

Today I became someone I was not.

I protested.
I didn't want to.
I gave in.

I didn't realize how powerful peer pressure was. I usually stay away from the 'classic' peer pressure issues.

I was a jerk.

I'm so frustrated, I knew I shouldn't have said what I said, but everyone was telling me to. They told me to grow some balls, ironic I know. I was mad.

Everyone said, I needed to say it, but I didn't.
I'm sorry, I'm a wuss, maybe I'm feeling bad for something that's not a big deal to everyone else. But I feel bad about things that would make me feel bad, if they were done to me.

...Get it?

I've been made fun of on many occasions. Maybe I am a wuss, or maybe I'm just not accustom to getting hurt.
Either way I need to make some changes.

Megan: noun

Megan: noun,
brown hair,
weighs more then her drivers license says,
5 feet 6 inches tall,
wears a 9 to 10 shoe,
has blue green eyes,
likes her fingernails and calves,
someone who loves to love,
hates lying and when shes lied to,
wishes her childhood was a little different,
spent YEARS trying to be someone else,
is not a germ freak,
loves to paint,
wishes she was someone else the majority of the time,
loves 27 dresses,
hates being emotional,
is scared of the dark,
and caterpillars,
is a terrible speller,
loves her ugly brown truck,
tries to forget anything and everything that went wrong in her life,
wants to be okay with just being Megan but is afraid that she'll end up with another rejection,
wishes she could write the same way she paints,
watched her grandfather die,
loves having a list,
wants life to be full of God,
will not marry someone who doesn't like Disneyland,
loves making layouts,
changes her mind rapidly,
now wants to own a magazine company,
doesn't care if her room is a mess,
hates living in Happy Valley,
wants to see the world but is afraid to,
doesn't yell when shes mad but instead shuts up and stays silent,
judges,
loves God and has conversations with him on a regular basis.

My summing up what I've been meaning to write

So much is happening in my life and I don't know how to sum it up. I keep on meaning to right a blog but I'm either to frustrated or to lazy

So here's a list to keep me on track.

Dad.
Truck.
Youth Group.

Dad. My father is now going on SSC disability. Which means we don’t' have insurance, a nd he legally does not have to pay child support. It's so frustrating, last week he called me to come out and talk to him, so I did. When I got out there we had some small talk, and then he said "I've been a bad dad and I'm sorry, I just hope you can understand..." this is where I thought 'Oh maybe something will change!' NOPE! then he says, "I'm just sick, your father has a mental illness. It's not his fault. I'm just really sick."

WRONG ANSWER! Oh, it made me so mad. for once I thought that my dad was going to change that I was going to be able to have a relationship with him. Nope, he's just sick. But he's only sick because he's over dousing on his med's and downing it with a beer.

For some reason his new 'sickness' covers up for the last 17 years of my life that he hasn't been there.

I start feeling bad because I start thinking that it's my fault. 'I never was there for him, I was never a real daughter.' But I think again he's my dad, isn't he supposed to be helping me not the other way around?

My Truck. I GOT IT! And it works, for now, and I have my stereo! I'm really nervous that it's going to die, because everything that I get either dies, or something happens to it. But it's a really ugly crappy truck, but I love it!!!! I feel very cool....until I step outside and realize everyone else thinks I stole my truck from a hobo. But I still love it.